I have several sad moments in my life that spring to mind, including the loss of loved ones. And another one of the saddest moment of my life was when I suffered my miscarriage before getting pregnant with Sara. That one still gets to me every year when that time of year rolls around. I'm not sure that wound will ever completely heal.
But the saddest moment overall has to be Sara's diagnosis. After 10 months of searching, it was a huge relief to have an answer...and with that a treatment plan. But with this news I had to go through a new grieving process (not to mention a huge learning curve as well). I realized that my daughter would never get to do lots of things she would if she were healthy, and that she would face battles as a small child that most adults may not be able to handle. I can't help her, fix her, or really do anything but stand by and watch. It still makes me so sad to know that I am helpless to take this burden from her, or even make it lighter for her to carry.
Now that I've had 3 years to deal with this devastating news, I've come to a good place with it. It isn't easy to accept I can't change it, but sometimes I don't have to. I can advocate for my daughter, and by doing so bring awareness to others. That helps to raise funds to do research, and maybe some day a cure will be found.
There are still days that I look back and replay that memory and it brings me to tears. And by far, this is the saddest memory in my life that has had the biggest impact. But I wouldn't change it for anything. Its made me stronger, more resilient, and more compassionate toward others. This moment in my life has made myself and Sara who we are today! And no matter what anyone else thinks, I think we're both pretty cool girls!