Sunday, May 13, 2012

A Difficult Mother's Day

This weekend was hard.  It was full of stress, tears, hugs, love, laughter, and fun...but still hard!

Saturday marked exactly 5 months since my stepmothers untimely departure from this Earth.  I miss her so much!  To celebrate her, and her most amazing life, we did something we knew she would have loved.  We got together those that mattered most to her, close family and friends, and we went shooting for the day.  My stepmother was a competitive shooter and avid firearms collector, so it seemed appropriate to spend the day doing something she loved so much.

At the end of the day, we released balloons.  Each had a note tied on it to her, and it was a very tearful moment for many of us.  We never had a funeral or memorial service for her because that is not what she wanted, but the problem with that is none of us had a chance to really say goodbye to her.  This was that chance!  There were many tears from many people as we all stood and watched the balloons float up to her.  I know she's up there somewhere, watching each of us (and even helping out on occasion).  She helped us out that day by parting the clouds to let the sun through for just a little bit...and at the perfect time in the day too.

And of course that makes today hard too!  Mother's day...I would have called her today.  She wasn't my biological mother, but she still was very much a mother to me at some very important points in my life.  She never had children of her own, but I know she thought of me as her own in many ways.  I miss her!

She reminds me that life is too short!  There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her.  Something reminds me of her every time I turn around.  I see the pain in my dad's face, and I realize how happy she really made him...and that happiness is gone, never to return.  It breaks my heart to see because I know when she died she took a piece of my dad with her.  He isn't the same man, and he never will be.  But I will never be the same person either.  My stepmother was one of those rare flowers that made an impact on everyone she ever met.  She was incredibly kind, amazingly thoughtful, and continually supportive.  She can never be replaced!

And along with my dad, I grieve for her mother as well.  Another amazing woman that came into my life at the perfect time.  I can't imagine how she must feel on this Mother's day.  I wish that I could take her pain away, even if just for this one day.  It is the only gift I can't give that I wish I could.  It hurts me to not be able to do it for her and for my dad too.

Happy Mother's Day to all the Moms!  I hope your day is filled with love!

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