Tuesday, January 31, 2012

To my baby...


I hope today brings you all the love and happiness this world has to offer...you deserve it!
I love you!!

Thursday, January 26, 2012

What's next?!?

This new year (and the last bit of last year) has been really hard on everyone in my life.

It started with my step-mother's very sudden (and unexpected) death.  And as we just barely had begun to pick up the pieces, Christmas and New Year's showed up.  We pulled together as a family and made a nice holiday for Sara, but there was definitely something missing that Christmas morning.

A couple days before New Year's, Sara's father told me that his grandfather had passed away.  Sara has lost another family member in a matter of weeks.  It was also a struggle for me, since I met the man several times while we were together and he was always sweet to me.

Three days into the new year, I got a call from my sister.  She's in the hospital with an appendicitis.  I stay the entire night in the ER with her and wait patiently in the waiting room as she has surgery early the next morning.  She's doing great now, thank goodness!

Next, just last week, it was my boyfriend who was headed to the doctor for some alarming symptoms...and to the hospital the next day for testing on his heart.  Luckily, everything turned out okay and his heart is fine.

And now as I sit and type this, my sister has called me again to tell me that my mom now sits in an ER half way across the country.  And what do they suspect is wrong with her....an appendicitis.

Really?!?!?!  Can this be for real?!?!?  I can't take a whole year of this.

But through it all, I have some how managed to keep a small piece of my sanity.  I'm in a constant battle with myself to find something good to hold on to.  And on Tuesday, it finally presented itself.

As a small way to help our family heal, my dad has decided to take a trip to Disneyland.  He has asked myself, Sara, my sister, and her baby boy to join him.  This trip is to help heal our hearts, to create new memories as a changed family, and to heal relationships between each of us.

It follows right after my baby's 5th birthday (OMG, she's 5!).  So first we have to get through Sara's party.  Honestly, I'm not at all excited about it.  I'm just so overwhelmed by everything else right now I can barely find the time to prepare.  This party is going to be a total throw-together-at-the-very-last-minute kind of deal.  I want to be excited, but I just can't.  I'm lucky that I managed to get out just a few invitations in a timely manner so that at least a couple of Sara's friends would come.

But for whatever reason, I can focus on this trip and see great things.  Thinking about it makes me feel happy, and somehow, a little more relaxed.  I decided to make it more fun by not telling Sara that we were going.  The plan is for all of us to meet at the airport and tell her there.  I can't wait to see the look on her face.  And I can't wait to tape it and share it with all of you!  I also plan to blog and post pictures each day since there's free wifi at the hotel.  Be looking for all the fun to happen Feb. 16th to the 21st! 

Thursday, January 12, 2012

New Year Update

Well, the last bit of last year and the first bit of this year has been crazy!

Christmas was as good as can be expected.  It was hard to have my step-mother missing, but it was nice to have the family together and the distraction of Sara's amazement at the gifts Santa brought her.  It was a small, simple Christmas...but I think that's all any of us would have been able to handle.

New Year's was wonderful!  Sara was with her dad so I got to spend the evening with my boyfriend, and it was just nice to sit and relax for the first time in a while.  Between Thanksgiving, birthdays, Christmas, and Amy's death, it was just nice to sit an have no worries...even if only for one night.

Right now life is still crazy.  There are still lots of things going on, mostly revolving around my step-mother's sudden departure.  Today is exactly one month since her death.  I still have trouble believing she's gone, and today was especially hard.  I'm so glad that I can find peace in all the people I work with.  Since we are all mourning her together, its comforting to know I'm with people who knew her and cared so much for her like I did.  In case you didn't know, she was our company's CEO.  Its also nice to see my dad everyday, to have that closeness at such a hard time.  They worked at this company together, building it and helping it grow, and then bought it from the original owners years ago.  I think both my dad and I find some peace in keeping it going in her memory.  It makes it easy to go to work these days, easier than its ever been, and I know that everyone is giving it their all.

But also this month brings one of my favorite days, which is my little peanut's birthday!  I can't believe she's going to be 5!!  How did she get to be so big...and old?!?  She's such a big girl, with a big girl attitude to match.  She is always growing and learning new things.  Its amazing to see how she views the world around her, and how that view is constantly changing. 

Sara is very excited to have her birthday party, which has a Disney Cars theme this year.  I went small this year, unlike last years blow out.  And I'm sure I will be posting pictures once the party is done.  I can't wait to share them with you.

And yes, as one of my new year's resolutions I'm hoping to be posting more.